Gift Culture
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we've hit one of our many "cultural differences" that I need some advice for. She's from New Jersey and has a big Italian family (insert random Sopranos joke here) and I'm from Kentucky and have a big Southern family (insert random Jeff Foxworthy joke here). We're having what we feel is a fairly large wedding - inviting 250-275 people - and have had two of our three planned wedding showers.
Neither of us is just out of college, and we already live together in a very nice, well furnished house (if I do say so myself), having replaced the beer signs and posters many years ago. When we sat down to do a gift registry, we decided to upgrade some of the things we had and add some gadgets and gizmos that we didn't yet possess (electric griddle? sure, why not.). After the second shower, we find that we're 85% done with our entire registry. The third shower is with my family back in Kentucky in a month, and my mother is bugging us to add more things to the registry for the shower.
The wife-to-be, however, is having problems with this. Her "northern" culture has always been to give cash/check gifts at showers/weddings. Sure enough, our 'northern' shower was mostly envelopes (not that I'm complaining!). Where I'm from, though, giving cash comes across as lazy or uncaring - a gift shows that you care for the couple and are giving them a gift as a memento to remember you by (and so I shall always think of Aunt June as I make pancakes on my electric griddle, in my boxer shorts).
So that's my long-winded dilemma. Wife-to-be doesn't want to add "useless things" to the registry just so that guests will buy things for us, she wants me to find a way to politely tell people that cash/check (aka "northern") gifts are just as nice and doubly preferred. But knowing my hometown culture, I can't think of a way for it to go over well.
What do I do?
I think you should go with the bride's wishes and request cash/check gifts. Anyone who really cares will not be insulted but only be too happy to oblige. Besides, in today's economy, even if you are well off, any extra cash goes a long way. What is the point of accumulating useless things at home anyway? I understand where you're coming from; nevertheless, since most of the little gadgets and appliances will end up in the bottom drawers or in a box, I will agree with your other half on this one. You can very well purchase a weekend at a spa, or something else that will make you feel both special after your wedding with that money - what do you think?
Couldn't you return things, if necessary, to the stores where you registered? Then you could exchange them for something you need later? My thought, as a bride-to-be, is that while I have things I'd like, a gift is a gift. Which means that the people giving get to sort that out. I don't want useless junk lying around-- but gift cards are great and handy to keep in case of an emergency purchase later.
Please don't ask for cash..that is tacky! I would update your registry with some other things you want. Think about things for the home that you would get like at home depot or somewhere like that. Also put larger items on the registry so people can go together and get a gift. If you get repeats, take one back.
I am from NY and we always give money for the wedding gift, but always a gift for showers.