What happened to virtue?
Wed, 09/02/2009 - 22:40
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I was just wondering... why people think they need to sleep together / live together before marraige? Maybe I am just old fashioned (even though I'm not even 30 yet!), but I can't help but wonder where the virtue is?? Isn't that all part of the fun of the honeymoon & the first year of marriage?
I don't buy into the "we need to know we are compatable first" crap. People did it the 'old fashioned' way for thousands of years and the divorce rate was WAY lower than the staggering 60-70% it is now! Do you wonder if that might have something to do with it??
I have children and tried to bring them up with the moral that they should save themself until marriage. In this day it isn't the norm. I actually did move in with my fiancee 6 months before we were married, so there went that. My oldest son moved in with his girlfriend before they were married also. I do think that it is a good idea to live with someone before marring them. This way you can see if you really do want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
In my opinion, it is not how the relationship begins or is carried out before the wedding that causes the high percentage of separation or divorce. It is the impulsiveness of the younger people that makes them jump into the marriage bandwagon, then getting out of it when the going gets rough.
In my opinion, it is not how the relationship begins or is carried out before the wedding that causes the high percentage of separation or divorce. It is the impulsiveness of the younger people that makes them jump into the marriage bandwagon, then getting out of it when the going gets rough.
I couldn't agree more. The kids getting married now, they just "know" that there is a way out... so they aren't worried about getting married so young. They don't understand that it takes a piece of you... that you will NEVER get back. No one ever said that Marriage was easy - or even that it was supposed to be easy. It is a learning process every single day.
What you say may have been true for the last century; however, the low divorce rate you're referring to is a little off. People need to get to know each other before they enter into a marriage. How will you know if you're sexually compatible with your partner if you've never slept together? If it doesn't work in that department, it damages the relationship to a point where you may not be able to salvage it but I guess that is not a concern for you.
I believe that both parties should find out as much about each other as possible prior to getting married. There is nothing wrong with living together with your partner, if anything, it helps you get used to their habits and allows you to see whether you can commit to them or not. In the old days this was not acceptable because of the religious pressure, but today this is much lower on the priority list and I think it is obsolete.
I wonder if you'd be speaking of virtue when you're stuck with someone who makes you feel miserable in every possible way and that you are looking for a way to get out of it...
In the old days this was not acceptable because of the religious pressure, but today this is much lower on the priority list and I think it is obsolete.
I wonder if you'd be speaking of virtue when you're stuck with someone who makes you feel miserable in every possible way and that you are looking for a way to get out of it...
Tijay, I couldn't agree more. I'm young, but I haven't rushed into marriage in any sense of the word. My parents didn't rush either; they were 29 and 32 when they married. They separated and divorced when I was a sophomore in college, for good reasons. Staying would not have been virtuous or morally right.
In the old days this was not acceptable because of the religious pressure, but today this is much lower on the priority list and I think it is obsolete.
I wonder if you'd be speaking of virtue when you're stuck with someone who makes you feel miserable in every possible way and that you are looking for a way to get out of it...
Tijay, I couldn't agree more. I'm young, but I haven't rushed into marriage in any sense of the word. My parents didn't rush either; they were 29 and 32 when they married. They separated and divorced when I was a sophomore in college, for good reasons. Staying would not have been virtuous or morally right.
I lived with my boyfriend for 5 years before I got married. I think it made us stronger. We both had been in horrible relationships before and had a problem with trust. We were both able to work through it while living together. It just worked for us.
In the old days this was not acceptable because of the religious pressure, but today this is much lower on the priority list and I think it is obsolete.
We don't live and sleep together before marriage. And it is not for moral or religious reasons. It is the way we respect each other and maintain our purity. Yes it maybe obsolete now but we are feel happy and confident with it.